cs class with my uncle
my time at the computer class with my uncle
in the quarantine holidays, i was pretty disconnected from everyone. well i took a lot of drugs due to that and on the end of the holidays, i was send to the hospital due to overdose. i took amphetamines and morphine together, i hate myself enough for that but yeah i was 2 weeks in the hospital. my whole family knew what happened and i hope they don't think I'm a disappointment. i regret so much doing shit in the holidays while on so much benzos and shit and i don't want to ever fall into this spiral. after that, i came out pretty much good. nearly died but i try to forget that, i didn't directly started to take drugs again and people thought that i was drug addicted. i hate how the police took my phone but they prolly deserved it. i did so much dumb shit haha. wish it didn't ended like that but i think its probably better that it happened. i still feel the aftermath, mostly because I've lost my phone to the police and i don't know what happened to it. i have no contact with my old friends anymore. but i think after i got sober and everything again, i am starting to think more introspective and reflective/rational. i try to be reasonable and just go on with this life. sometimes i think about how it would work out if i commit suicide by sleeping painless with drugs. that's really interesting, if you think about it, you can't do anything wrong. everything you feel and see is in your mind, if you don't live anymore you can't feel regret. if you don'T feel regret you can't make anything wrong. you can't disappoint anyone and you can't be hated by anyone. I'm not sure if i will ever try that. i just hope no one knows that i was trying to kill myself that one day i overdosed. i just took so many pills and hoped id sleep to death, sadly it didn't work out but its alrite. i told everyone I'm okay and that it was just a rookie accident.
my parents are asian, I think they are more open minded than some others but they still have ignorance. my father don't want to understand that I have adhd. he thinks there is no adhd. i tried to think get into his thought too even though I think it is straight bullshit. well but he otherwise can't get enough of himself, I heard of a study that if you try to discuss with someone and begin to argue a lot, the both sides start to believe their opinion more. and I think that is what happened to us both with me and my father. my mom is also very ignorant, there are some ideas she don't want to listen like second-hand shopping. she is a Buddhist and believes that the people that may have died with those things that have been second hand sold, are in the clothes or shit. like the souls are in there or something. its very religious and I don't want to deny that but I once bought something and we had an argument, next day she tried to give them back and throw them away. i hate her so much because of that, yes I still love her as a person but there is just some things that I hate on people like her, they abuse their power and think they can use the "I am the parent and I am an elder, that's why I'm right" card. i hate it so much. the older generations are sometimes so fucking ignorant. but I see this ignorant scheme in every generation. every older generation hated on the lower generations. they hated once Minecraft. now they hate fortnite.
the class at my uncle
now I try to have a class at my uncle who is a web developer and its cool. that is the main point of my post. have a great day.
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