addiction.

i have 27x 200mg tilidine in my safe place right now. it is a pain medication like oxycodone and stuff. but I am afraid to get addicted to that, why did I even buy it that much? why? yesterday, I just told one of my best friend (who is korean btw) that we will work together to stop addiction. and that I should stop lying to him, but he asked that demand in a very kind way. i hope everything will be fine. soon hopefully. i have taken 600mg in different time distances. i already have a tolerance because I took 400mg yesterday. but it is also enjoyable because I feel a bit like drunk and buzzed and shit. ah yes and I took pressies xanax that are supposedly 3.5mg alprazolam but I doubt that. you don't really feel the difference when ur on xanax because like it is said, its an anxiolytic medication which makes you "sober". but because you have less anxiety, you start to do dumb shit and steal. (but i never did that)

my relationship with my mom is also very weird. she doesn't talk a lot to me because I think she has the worry that I take all of those drugs and shit. i love my mom, but she is just stressed out. she kind of says mean things and kind of "bullies" me. but I still love her.

let me make some plans to sell the tilidine

i hate myself. but i've been thinking.

i should start to love myself more.

how do I do that?

plans right now

I'm working on school right now while in the corona holidays. I'm also working on a clothing brand. and while being a student at a highschool, I study in the meantime at a project for my university. will I pass it?

i don't know why I write this blog. but I think this will be great for my organization of my mind.

aah and I love kdramas